Episode 16: “Condemned Criminal in the Underground Jail of Planet Beemera!”
“My life was created by a human, and it has made me fall in love with you.”
The recap is adding some new stuff, covering the landing of Domel on Balan, which actually happened in real time last episode, but they’re saying it’s happening now: “has just arrived on planet Balan.” Maybe the show wants to pretend the last episode didn’t happen too. Will they retcon away Domel going batshit and trashing the former base commander’s tacky knickknacks for no reason, too? “Admiral Domel is like a space wolf sharpening its fangs to kill the Yamato.” (okay)
Cut to the Yamato mess, where food is dumped out of a succession of tubes onto industrial lunch counter trays. Given that in the last few episodes it was established they’re running out of supplies, I have to wonder what the hell it’s made out of now; I don’t recall if the ship hasn’t been established as recycling anything. We already know the coffee’s terrible. Sure enough, Kodai’s complaining that he’s getting tired of the same food all the time.
With uncanny timing, Yuki shows up in an adorable new dress (!) and tells him to man up and “just try to have some fun.” Yuki has been made fun of before for being a “Chief Life Improvement Officer”, but damn if her figure in that dress wouldn’t boost ANY red-blooded male’s… uh, morale. Aaaand yup, the entire male population in the mess just kinda loses their damn mind. I can only assume something terrible is going to happen to Yuki by the end of the episode, knowing the way this series likes to set pins up just to knock them down.
Analyzer flips Yuki’s skirt, showing her (red!) panties, and Kodai claps with his hands over his head like a five-year-old. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Yuki runs off, embarrassed, but still: morale boosted, mission accomplished.
And hey, it’s not just cheesecake around here; the very next shot has the wacka-wacka music from Kodai deflowering a star cluster in ep 14 and has half the male crew lying around topless in swim trunks on beach chairs in some big sun room or something. Service, service~! Kodai compliments Analyzer (who is kickin’ it lying on a chair with all his homies and it’s freakin’ hilarious) on being a “very well made robot”. Analyzer says “I’m human, I do what I want to do.” He’d even go all the way with Yuki! Analyzer: Anime’s First Gangsta.
Ahahah, FINALLY dumbass Kodai reacts to all those assholes around him speculating about boinking his not-quite-yet-official girlfriend and protests, “Hey, wait a minute! You’re supposed to control yourself about that. That’s what humans do.” Right, because Kodai is a model citizen for self control so far. At this point, I think the others are actually using Analyzer to poke Kodai about Yuki by proxy, and the robot’s playing along, because he says he’ll marry Yuki! The look on Kodai’s face is hysterical. Analyzer’s starting to come off a little creepy at this point, actually.
Yuki thinks so too, because she’s complaining to Okita about the robot’s skirt flipping sexism. And then she flashes Okita by way of demonstration and looks adorably embarrassed when she realizes what she just did. Okita is Not Moved by her pleas. Pervy old radioactive-cancer ridden bastard.
The Yamato has arrived in proximity of a planet with plants – Planet Beemera. I don’t remember that being on the star chart between Earth and Balan, but whatevs, man. Okita tells Yuki to go to the surface and look for edible plants. With only a slight beat of hesitation – since she’ll have to go down there with Analyzer – Yuki heads out. The soundtrack takes a sharp left turn into dark notes, and I start worrying Analyzer’s gonna be leering over Yuki’s boobs the whole damn episode. Yup, creeper gonna creep: as soon as they’re alone, Analyzer is proposing to Yuki! Because Yuki’s a woman, the question startles her so badly that she briefly loses control of the ship and crashes. Analyzer lands “face” first in her boobs. And then doesn’t want to move.
I suddenly realize this is going to be a long recap.
After prying the pervbot off, Yuki and Analyzer go wandering through the phallic swamps of Beemera. Meanwhile, their crashed fighter is surrounded by things that look a hell of a lot like Ambush Bug in yellow skirts. (Planet of the Schwabs!) Yuki discovers a giant adobe structure that looks like a beehive and decides to climb right on inside it (okay) – so far, neither of them have actually done anything relating to their actual mission of looking for edible food. You know, so the Yamato doesn’t starve in two weeks.
Oh man, creepy bugs everywhere! They grab Yuki and Analyzer, tie them up and drag them deeper into the tunnels, taking them to an underground factory or work station. The bug people work a Wheel of Pain, the usual visual short hand for ‘slave labor society’. The turnstile is connected to a big thing that looks like a juicer nearby with a giant tap sticking out of the side and a big ornate tank underneath… oh dear. As the explorers watch in horror, a line of bee people is forced past them by guards with whips, and are shoved into the centrifuge. The condemned bee people shriek horribly as they are made into juice. Urgh.
Yuki and Analyzer aren’t tossed into the juicer, but they are locked up in a honeycomb cell. From Yuki’s POV, she might PREFER to be juiced, I imagine. Analyzer speculates the bee people are collecting royal jelly from the victims to use as a stimulant.
A large, regal looking bee person with long black hair and a stunning red and black dress goes toward a communications terminal deep in the mud caverns (okay) and promptly gets yelled at by a soldier from Gamilas, who literally tells her she’s doing it wrong. The queen bee can just barely speak words, but is informed that a “tanker” is arriving shortly. Apparently, Gamilas collects a tribute of royal jelly every 500 days from Beemera. Ewww.
Meanwhile, the Beemera are having a big gathering outside with tribal music played on giant sawed off pieces of logs. The Queen steps onto a balcony. In space, the Yamato notices the arrival of the Gamilas transport. The Yamato launches their fighters. They just straight up start shooting at the transport – not even bothering to find out what it’s carrying or why it’s there.
Back on Beemera, Analyzer cheerfully notes he and Yuki will probably be killed. Yeah, and we’re back to Creepy Creeper Analyzer, who continue to insist he’s human after Yuki notes that death is kind of a big deal to humans. And then he starts rambling about how he has a life that humans gave to him, and human life was created by God… Oh man, someone take a screwdriver to him, seriously! I know they’re shooting for ‘accept all love and life, even if it’s nonhuman’, but it just comes off SO creepy. Inexplicably, Yuki decides that Analyzer’s human enough to hug now. And then she starts rubbing her face on him. I am 100% not kidding. Then again, stuck between a creeper who says he’ll die for you and an immature ass who claps when you get skirt-flipped, who would YOU pick? Hmmmmm.
The bee people come to get them out of the cell, and are shown rocking out around a massive bonfire. I kind of hope they’ll shove Analyzer in it. Then, the old dude from Scene 24 that originally captured Yuki and Analyzer starts an insurrection. The old dude thinks that Yuki and Analyzer are from Gamilas, and threatens to kill them in front of the Queen. I guess the Beemera have never heard of any other planets, which I guess makes sense; they probably have only had dealings with the Gamilas military so far. Also, old dude, I hate to say it, but if the Queen’s guards have weapons from Gamilas and you have sticks and clubs, you don’t stand much of a chance.
Oh, and then the Gamilas transport arrives intact. So, I guess the Yamato’s forces totally failed to make a dent in it enough to keep it from landing on the planet? (okay) Old Dude’s forces bring up a cannon and he tells the Queen she needs to use it on the Gamilas ship if she wants to live. Proving that she’s not a total moron, she turns the weapon around and blows away Old Dude, in a pretty graphic shot. Who didn’t see that coming?
Two Gamilas soldiers walk down the platform as the ship docks, take one look at the Queen, then unexpectedly and inexplicably keel over and fall – a long way – down dead. Now we see the ship is riddled with pinholes and strafing damage, and it blows up. (okay) With the power backing the Queen removed, the Beemera instantly launch into a massive riot – oh yeah, and Yuki and Analyzer are still tied up in the middle of it. Analyzer frees Yuki and cradles her while the Beemera thunk him on the head with bats.
Ground forces from the Yamato arrive to the burning capital and Analyzer Yuki toward them. Naturally, she breaks away from him the second she finds Kodai, and hugs him tightly! Analyzer isn’t gonna mess with a dude with a gun as big as Kodai’s carrying on him (heh)!
The Yamato forces engage the Beemera, but in self-defense, protesting they’re not the same as those nasty Gamilas people. Yuki is Having None of This: “We’re not innocent, we came to steal vegetables too!” She basically advances a ‘let’s not interfere and get the hell off this creepy planet’ policy. Analyzer watches ‘the girl of his dreams’ nuzzling Kodai and gets heartbroken. “I am not a human, just a robot.” He trundles back toward the ship while the Beemera capital building boils in flames behind him – man, I know we’re supposed to feel sorry for his broken heart and all, but man, what a selfish dick of a robot, huh?
Later, on the Yamato, Analyzer heads up to the Wistful Dome and stares at Beemera as they get the hell out of there and back on route to Balan. They didn’t even get any damn vegetables for the trouble. Analyzer tells Yuki that he still loves her: “There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, right?”
267 days until the Space Pope destroys Earth for its filthy woman-lusting robots!
P.S: English major wonking: What exactly SHOULD the plural form of Gamilas be in English as it relates to people? Japanese doesn’t have plural forms, natively. The planet’s name is Gamilas, so people-of-Gamilas should be: Gamilasians? Gamilans? I’ve been using “Gamilans” as plural and “Gamilan” as single so far – partly just because it’s hard to break the acquired habit from Star Blazers of thinking of them as Gamilons, and partly because the -an is a justifiable derivational suffixed noun implying multiples of Gamil. Actually though, thinking about it, that implies that the root of “Gamilas” is actually “Gamil” and a whole syllable worth of meaning from the original is lost…
In English, we’re fond of stripping words down to the root and then slapping new suffixes on to adjust the meaning, but I don’t think that actually flies here, since you can’t treat a foreign word-concept as if it was created under the same logic as an English/latinate word.
“Gamirasu-jin” is often how it’s actually spoken in the show. And “Gamilasians” just looks so goofy in English! It doesn’t feel right. But I suppose “Gamilasians” is the most correct translation, so I’ll stick to it from now on… The other alternative I suppose is to use phrases such as “(x) from/of Gamilas”, which is a clunky solution but sidesteps the problem. Could Gamilas be both a plural and singular in English, like “deer”? However, that kind of usage is generally reserved for non-human species, which kind of defeats one of the subtexts of the show…
Further confusing the issue is whether it should be spelled “Gamilas” or “Gamilus” in English; nobody can agree on this either, and a lot more articles just shrug and slap a “Gamilas/Gamilon” or “Gamilus/Gamilon” tag on everything and get on with their lives. Sometimes people spell it “Gamiras” too! Starblazers.com translates everything uniformly as “Gamilas” related to Uchuu Senkan Yamato content, and “Gamilons” when referring to Star Blazers content, so maybe it’s time to just settle on that as a loose rule and get on with life here, too.